Saturday, December 24, 2011

Impossible is Nothing

Tell me i can't do something and I will try that much harder. The proof of this is the success in running I have achieved. About four years ago I was told that I would never competitively again, that was when I was a sophomore in high school. I'll be honest it got me down for about a year. I believed what everyone said, the doctors, my friends, my family, people i barely knew, I let them take my dreams and passion away from me. 

The past year or so I have slowly been getting back into running. I went off to college and when things got hard well there I was running around campus. I couldn't run too much because of my knees, the one thing that I always let get in my way. I am upset that for so long I let my knees get in my way, the doctors said that i shouldn't run for that very reason. Finally I gave up with the feeling of pain, I have fought my way through it. Now look at me.

I moved back home from college in the middle of the semester this year for a personal reason. When I got over the hill I was climbing I went to the one thing that has always gotten me through all my hard times, running. I started running in local 5K races. And to the disbelief of many people I wasn't just running the races I was placing in some of them. Now am I some great awesome runner? No. But have I gotten through my hard times and not only that but I helping other with theirs. I am part of Team in Training. Helping patients and families that are going through the battle of cancer. I raise money to help them, I am running for a cure and for a reason besides myself! 

Look at me now, stronger than ever so much in front of me. I am going to show everyone that has ever doubted me that I can do anything that impossible is nothing! 

Sunday, December 4, 2011

A year in review...

This time last year I had the possession of a promise ring for a guy. A ring that should show that you love the other person but at the time can’t be married; at least that’s how I see it. But I had that ring because he didn’t fully trust me and I didn’t fully trust him. We got each other rings hoping that it would save our relationship. Wow how I have grown and how things have changed. Now it is obvious that the relationship didn’t last long after Christmas, when the exchange of the rings happened.
I finished my first year of college. I got into another relationship. I learned how to wakeboard. I made new friends. I lost old friends. I gained back old friends. I went back to college. I lost the guy. I went through the hardest time. I moved back home. I joined team in training. I signed up for a new semester of college back home. I’m getting my life back together.
It is amazing what the year can bring. It is full of ups and downs. Things get hard but you come out stronger. I am excited to see what this year will bring me. I have seen so many changes in my life some that I never saw coming, but I see it as only a good thing. Thank goodness for a great family and wonderful friends. 

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Stained Glass Masquerade

With all that has gone on in the past few weeks I have been listening to christian music more. I know that I need to go to church, I know that I need to spend more time in prayer, and I know that I always need to show him my love not just when I an going through a hard time. 
The song that has recently caught my attention is "Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns. This song shows me that even though it looks like everyone is so strong they still fail, they still fall, and they too feel small. I look around everyday and I see people that are so strong, but I think they are a lot like me, they put the strong front on no matter what they are going through in their lives. 
It is time that people start taking down those fronts, it is time for people including me to start being real to stop being fake. The only way we will make it through life is to talk about what we are going through and what we have gone through. Yes it is hard and many do not want other people especially people they do not know the struggles they are going through but it is a necessary thing to do. Now do not go out there having a pity party on yourself but explain what you have been through or what you are going through and in many cases you will find there are a lot of people going through the same things. 
With this song and the bible verse Philippians 4:13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, i have grown. I have tried to drop walls I have tried to be more open. I hope this helps some grow and think about things that I have recently.

Stained Glass Masquerade lyrics

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Chorus (x2)

But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Darkest Weeks

Life has its many twists and turns, what you do with them makes you who you are. These past two weeks have been crazy. People have gone out of my life and others have come back in my life. I know I’m strong and I know I can get through anything. I know that losing the one you love hurts but you have to move on. Sitting and burying yourself in your sorrows won’t do anything for you. Looking forward and thinking positive will get you through it all. I’ve gone through one of the hardest situations a young lady can be put in. And the support that I thought I would have from the one I loved was not there. When something like that happens you really find who a person is. I did find that I have amazing friends. I have people that I can always count on. I learned that even if you don’t talk to your childhood best friend for months at a time and think that ya’ll hate each other they will be there for you when a bad situation comes. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone even though I feel like it all the time. It’s time that I stop worrying about everyone else’s problems so much and for once focus on myself. I need to reach my goals before I can help everyone reach theirs, or I will never reach anything I want in my life. I have to keep my head up and move on. I’m still here and alive and well that’s something to be proud of. Its time to stop sulking in my sorrows and grow up and deal with it! Thank you to all my friends that have helped me through this tough time. I couldn’t of used your help more. 

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

As summer becomes a memory...

So as the summertime floats away to a distant memory I sit taking a look back at the sun filled days on the beach, or the busy days spent at work, but most of all my mind takes me to look at the days filled with betrayal, heart break, and sadness. Summer should be about fun n’ the sun with your best friends having the time of your life, it should be a time of enjoyment, and a time of celebration of the past year. But this summer for me was about hurt and sorrow. This summer showed me that you really can’t trust anyone. I had planned to do so much this past summer, in the end only a few things actually happened. Yeah, I went to the beach as planned, I worked at the oasis, and I grew a strong relationship with my boyfriend. But what didn’t happen was the 13.1 miles I was supposed to run with a girl I called my sister, or having the summer on my life. Now I guess I will start at the beginning of what was supposed to be “the summer of my life”.

The trip to the beach was the perfect start to the summer. The thrill of going on my first trip alone was amazing, the first time we got to decide what to do every day; where to eat, where to shop, and where to hang out. I thought for sure this trip was foreshadowing the rest of the summer, but soon on the arrival back to North Texas reality kicked in. I had gone through a nasty break up with an ex in the middle of spring semester and its drama continued into the summer. This ex got in a motorcycle wreck, I got involved trying to be there for his mom. I’ll make this long story short somehow through the wreck this ex and my “best friend” got involved. The shocking part is that she didn’t even like and and talked trash on him for what he had done to me. But soon enough I caught on to the betrayal she was committing. I would catch her at his house late at night, refusing to answer my calls. Soon all I could do was let go and re-focus on my life and my goals, I had tried to be there for this ex and his family but it was apparent that I wasn’t needed. I have an amazing relationship that I was starting to jeopardize and I wasn’t going to let that happen.  Getting through that ordeal was hard, to get burned by someone you trusted your life with hurts, to me it was like my sister stabbing me in the back. Moving on from that situation I kept my head up and surrounded me with a close group I did everything with. My boyfriend and my “second mom” and her daughter would go out on the lake and have a blast. I did succeed in learning how to wakeboard, now I’m not great at it but I have time to work on it! Work kept me busy all the time as did spending basically all my spare time with my boyfriend and occasionally with my oldest brother’s family. August rolled around and my oldest brother ended up having a little girl on August 4th. I started getting ready for school, and again reality kicked in and I had to start preparing to leave my boyfriend of 6 months back at home while I went to school in Canyon. Though it’s not easy only relying on phone calls, text messages, and skype we manage.

Now that the summer has come to a close and I have looked back I know that many things were learned this summer. I hope that in the soon future the betrayal can be forgiven and I can have a sister to talk to again, however if that does not happen I know I will be ok because I have strong people I can lean on surrounding me. This past summer has shown me that no matter how well you think you know someone you won’t really know who they are till you’re in a rough spot. I thank God every day for the strength that he has given me to move forward and be happy in my life. I’m so thankful for my boyfriend because he has stuck beside me through all the ups and downs, he has helped me stand back up when I didn’t think I had the strength to do it on my own, he has wiped away the tears that came flowing down and managed to always put a smile on my face. I thank all my friends and family for being there for me when I needed ya’ll most, for standing beside me on the ups and downs. 

Monday, May 9, 2011

looking back, standing here, gazing at whats to come

looking back i have been through a lot. but eveything i have been through has made me that much stronger. ive learned people will talk about you, people will say lies, but you have to just let it go, let them say what they want, they dont know you. its been rough learning every lesson and sometimes it takes a long time but in the end it helps build you into who you are and it will help you grow up. life is full of ups and down, its like a rollar coaster in your at the bottom your looking up at whats coming and if your at the top your bracing yourself for whats to come. standing here looking at myself today, as now a sophmore of college, i see how much this year i have grown. some desisions i made this year were heat breaking but nessacery, some desisions i made this year i wish i could take back, and other desisions i made im really proud of. moving off six hours away from everyone you know to a weird place you have never been for longer than two days is really hard, and its a shock on your system. i can stand here and tell you that i wasnt going to come back here, i was going to give up and move back home, until i sat down the other night and thought of how much this year has helped me become independent, how it has helped me see who i am and where i want to go. now do i feel like i fit in here? no i dont think i do, but as this school year is coming to a close i realize i dont think i fit in because i havent tried to, i held back and stayed in my own world this year, thats one thing i wish i could change if anything. i should of put myself out there and tried to meet people and try to get involved. thats one thing that will change next year. tonight im taking time to gaze at whats to come, i see new friends, new relationships, new adventures, and me growing into the young woman i want to be. this summer im going on a new adventure with my twin brother and sister for the first time we together are going to the beach, we are becoming independent paying for everything, making hotel reservations, figuring out how things work in the real world. now its not some huge thing but think about it if something doesnt go just our way we cant run to our parents and have them fix it. we cant just hide behind the people that have helped us thus far, we are being set free to face the world even if its only a week. also this summer i will be training to run a half-marathon, something i have wanted to do since i started running in middle school, now to many this is no big task or no big acheviement, but to me a girl that has been out of running for at least three years because of bad knees, this is a huge hill to climb. however i will reach my goal no matter the blood, sweat, and tears i have to put into it. i will reach my dream. then next school year will be a new experience, i will have friends to come back to here at school and along with that i will be bringing one of my best friends up here too. next year has a lot of chances within it, it will hold heartbreaks, loves, friends, ennimes, and the usual ups and downs of life, but even knowing that it will be hard and with that i will experince the hard times looking forward to them and welcomeing them with open arms. im ready to chase my dreams and face the world. im ready to grow and learn how to live. im ready for the adventures to come.