Stained Glass Masquerade

With all that has gone on in the past few weeks I have been listening to christian music more. I know that I need to go to church, I know that I need to spend more time in prayer, and I know that I always need to show him my love not just when I an going through a hard time. 
The song that has recently caught my attention is "Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns. This song shows me that even though it looks like everyone is so strong they still fail, they still fall, and they too feel small. I look around everyday and I see people that are so strong, but I think they are a lot like me, they put the strong front on no matter what they are going through in their lives. 
It is time that people start taking down those fronts, it is time for people including me to start being real to stop being fake. The only way we will make it through life is to talk about what we are going through and what we have gone through. Yes it is hard and many do not want other people especially people they do not know the struggles they are going through but it is a necessary thing to do. Now do not go out there having a pity party on yourself but explain what you have been through or what you are going through and in many cases you will find there are a lot of people going through the same things. 
With this song and the bible verse Philippians 4:13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, i have grown. I have tried to drop walls I have tried to be more open. I hope this helps some grow and think about things that I have recently.


Stained Glass Masquerade lyrics

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Chorus:
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Chorus (x2)

But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

The Darkest Weeks

Life has its many twists and turns, what you do with them makes you who you are. These past two weeks have been crazy. People have gone out of my life and others have come back in my life. I know I’m strong and I know I can get through anything. I know that losing the one you love hurts but you have to move on. Sitting and burying yourself in your sorrows won’t do anything for you. Looking forward and thinking positive will get you through it all. I’ve gone through one of the hardest situations a young lady can be put in. And the support that I thought I would have from the one I loved was not there. When something like that happens you really find who a person is. I did find that I have amazing friends. I have people that I can always count on. I learned that even if you don’t talk to your childhood best friend for months at a time and think that ya’ll hate each other they will be there for you when a bad situation comes. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone even though I feel like it all the time. It’s time that I stop worrying about everyone else’s problems so much and for once focus on myself. I need to reach my goals before I can help everyone reach theirs, or I will never reach anything I want in my life. I have to keep my head up and move on. I’m still here and alive and well that’s something to be proud of. Its time to stop sulking in my sorrows and grow up and deal with it! Thank you to all my friends that have helped me through this tough time. I couldn’t of used your help more. 

As summer becomes a memory...

So as the summertime floats away to a distant memory I sit taking a look back at the sun filled days on the beach, or the busy days spent at work, but most of all my mind takes me to look at the days filled with betrayal, heart break, and sadness. Summer should be about fun n’ the sun with your best friends having the time of your life, it should be a time of enjoyment, and a time of celebration of the past year. But this summer for me was about hurt and sorrow. This summer showed me that you really can’t trust anyone. I had planned to do so much this past summer, in the end only a few things actually happened. Yeah, I went to the beach as planned, I worked at the oasis, and I grew a strong relationship with my boyfriend. But what didn’t happen was the 13.1 miles I was supposed to run with a girl I called my sister, or having the summer on my life. Now I guess I will start at the beginning of what was supposed to be “the summer of my life”.

The trip to the beach was the perfect start to the summer. The thrill of going on my first trip alone was amazing, the first time we got to decide what to do every day; where to eat, where to shop, and where to hang out. I thought for sure this trip was foreshadowing the rest of the summer, but soon on the arrival back to North Texas reality kicked in. I had gone through a nasty break up with an ex in the middle of spring semester and its drama continued into the summer. This ex got in a motorcycle wreck, I got involved trying to be there for his mom. I’ll make this long story short somehow through the wreck this ex and my “best friend” got involved. The shocking part is that she didn’t even like and and talked trash on him for what he had done to me. But soon enough I caught on to the betrayal she was committing. I would catch her at his house late at night, refusing to answer my calls. Soon all I could do was let go and re-focus on my life and my goals, I had tried to be there for this ex and his family but it was apparent that I wasn’t needed. I have an amazing relationship that I was starting to jeopardize and I wasn’t going to let that happen.  Getting through that ordeal was hard, to get burned by someone you trusted your life with hurts, to me it was like my sister stabbing me in the back. Moving on from that situation I kept my head up and surrounded me with a close group I did everything with. My boyfriend and my “second mom” and her daughter would go out on the lake and have a blast. I did succeed in learning how to wakeboard, now I’m not great at it but I have time to work on it! Work kept me busy all the time as did spending basically all my spare time with my boyfriend and occasionally with my oldest brother’s family. August rolled around and my oldest brother ended up having a little girl on August 4^th. I started getting ready for school, and again reality kicked in and I had to start preparing to leave my boyfriend of 6 months back at home while I went to school in Canyon. Though it’s not easy only relying on phone calls, text messages, and skype we manage.

Now that the summer has come to a close and I have looked back I know that many things were learned this summer. I hope that in the soon future the betrayal can be forgiven and I can have a sister to talk to again, however if that does not happen I know I will be ok because I have strong people I can lean on surrounding me. This past summer has shown me that no matter how well you think you know someone you won’t really know who they are till you’re in a rough spot. I thank God every day for the strength that he has given me to move forward and be happy in my life. I’m so thankful for my boyfriend because he has stuck beside me through all the ups and downs, he has helped me stand back up when I didn’t think I had the strength to do it on my own, he has wiped away the tears that came flowing down and managed to always put a smile on my face. I thank all my friends and family for being there for me when I needed ya’ll most, for standing beside me on the ups and downs.